my mom does and has every ailment under the sun.. i know more people that are under meds for depression than not.. fortunately, i do not suffer from depression but i wonder how many do or have, especially if you were a witness..
Yeah Sab . . . Ironically, that movie was made here in NZ . . . the little bugger get's around though . . . not a great travelling companion . . . but we're stuck with him.
Don't be too afraid of the meds moe . . . I couldn't have recovered without them . . . side effects can be a bummer, but it's simply a cost/benefit equation . . . you don't necessarily become dependent on them . . . I'm med free now.
Luvonyall - MS
my mom does and has every ailment under the sun.. i know more people that are under meds for depression than not.. fortunately, i do not suffer from depression but i wonder how many do or have, especially if you were a witness..
Thanks for that watersprout . . . like the Watchtower experience, it's one of those things you have to live through to understand. And yes, it was the cult living that was behind it . . . I had dealt with a string of heavy issues for several years prior . . . suicide of a young man from persecution for one (another story).
Recently here we have had a couple of major Earthquakes . . . destroyed most of CBD and thousands of homes. Funny thing is . . . when these two events ocurred (not to mention the 1000's of aftershocks), my elevated anxiety levels meant I felt no sense of alarm! In fact, I was able to be a calming influence on those in immediate proximity. I just felt normal and this enabled me to react quickly and practically . . . weird huh? Perhaps this disorder has some advantages???
@wasblind . . . spot on with the chemical imbalance point . . . that's what is behind my condition . . . it's not a "state of mind" and has no connection with conscious thought in my case . . .
It's wonderful to know I'm not alone here in more ways than one . . . and that's the best therapy I've ever had!
Luvonyall - MS
my mom does and has every ailment under the sun.. i know more people that are under meds for depression than not.. fortunately, i do not suffer from depression but i wonder how many do or have, especially if you were a witness..
Yes, I suffer from clinical depression. Prior to my experience I knew little about it . . . didn't seem important. but here's what happened in my case.
I used to be a Floor-tiler. While out laying bathroom tiles in a house, I was struck hard by an overwhelming sense of fear . . . fear like I've never felt before. I could literally see my own heart beating at a million miles an hour beneath my clothes and was overwhelmed by an irresistable need to RUN. This sensation was wierd . . . it had no stimulus or trigger but was so powerful. It was very frightening and I just couldn't undertstand what was happening. Well . . . run I did . . . I went straight to my van and left with the job half done . . . leaving behind my tools and even my lunch. I drove straight out of town . . . and kept right on driving . . . for 4 days! My journey took me over great distances (over 3500 km's), stopping only for gas. I never ate or slept. Each time I had to stop, my fear rose to almost uncontrollable panic. I couldn't listen to the radio as the sound of a human voice was intolerable. Being on the highway travelling 100-200 km/hr was the only way I felt "safe" . . . weird huh? I had stopped to relieve myself on a lonely country road. There was a storm progressing over the country and it was raining heavily . . . and it was pitch black. I heard a car approaching and dived into bushes on the roadside. Unbeknown to me the bushes obscured a 40 ft sheer drop into a ravine. I sailed through the air and landed heavily next to a raging torrent of water. I was in a deal of pain but recall only being relieved that the car approaching had not stopped. I lay there for many hours. I had decided that this was where my life would end. I said goodbye to my children and wept for them, and then closed my eyes and waited. I won't detail what followed . . . your probably getting worn out with reading . . . but obviously I didn't die.
I was told I had a depression/anxiety disorder, Many difficult years have since followed . . . hospitalisation several times . . . many drugs, counselling etc. I feel in control of the malady itself now to a livable degree, but it has cost a heap. I was largely "absent" and lost the close relationships I had with my kid's and that eats me up constantly. We lost our home equity, any money we had saved . . . everything.
Nowadays (6 years later) things are almost back to normal. I was 48 yrs old when it started (54 now). I am drug free because the side effects of most medications I have used are quite severe and for me ... intolerable. I am still not the person I used to be . . . and at times feel like a stranger to myself . . . I miss the old me a lot.
That's my experience with depression.
Luvonyall - MS
if you just want the juicy details where i leave, i'll make disclaimer where it begins, if you just want to know what happened with the elders and organization after i realized it wasn't true, i'll mark that seperately.
we didn't do jack shit in service, or in the congregation.
maybe this was how jehovah came about?
Greetings Jonathan and welcome! I have just finished reading your story . . . all the heartbreak and trauma that few (if any) escape . . . we all get to "run the gauntlet". Neverthelees, it's still hard to digest (I've been out for 7 yrs after being in for 25), and you have my sincere sympathies.
You are obviously a bright and learned young man with a passion for science . . . too much so for the bOrg to "dumb you down" . . . this has possibly been your saving grace. I (along with countless others here) enjoy subjects involving scientific discovery also . . . so your input is eagerly awaited. Be sure to stick around.
By the way . . ."in the land of the blind the one eyed man is king". . . . love that line!
Luvonyall - MS
hey y'all!
my name is kourtney and i am new to this form and jehovah witnesses.
right now i am studying the book "what does the bible really teach".
Kourtney . . . you already have the warning signs all around you . . . you are either "in" or "out" . . . you're already being told who you can have for friends . . . even among your own family! . . . and you're not even "converted" yet.
As you become more committed to the WT this type of control get's much more intense . . . believe me.
Take a very cautious approach and look for those signs of being "isolated" from those outside . . . it's not healthy . . . and why should it be necessary for goodness sake?
What God wants you to do? . . . is use that beautiful brain he gave you to "be on guard against men" and "make sure of all things"
Tread carefully my dear.
Luvonyall - MS
hello to everyone!
i guess the easiest way to introduce myself is by letting you know i'm headisspinning's husband.
it might take a little bit for me to open up, but i enjoy reading the posts and responses on here.
I approached C of C the same way . . . takin it slow . . . best way to read it I reckon . . . and don't worry bout JWM . . . you just know we'll keep him busy enough! . . . happy reading!
Luvonyall - MS
the above mentioned article caught my eye for a couple of reasons .
.. it is obvious to most observers that the children of active jw's provide a potential "large army" and in spite of the attrition rate of jw youths (around 2/3's i believe), it's a resource the borg are keen to maximise.
there tactics appear to be encouraging baptism at an ever younger age.
That's a very sad story lifeisgood . . . and I can't blame you for your feelings . . . that "if only things had been different" feeling is a crushing burden . . . especially in circumstances like yours. Your right about this . . . They don't care!
They clearly placed a lot between you and your Dad . . . and robbed you of plenty . . . but the love you both shared they never took away . . . it belonged to you then and it still belongs to you now . . . take comfort from that.
Luvonyall - MS
hey y'all!
my name is kourtney and i am new to this form and jehovah witnesses.
right now i am studying the book "what does the bible really teach".
Hi Kourtney and welcome to the forum. You will find plenty of on-line buddies here.
All I can say is be very careful about where you "throw your anxieties". The great majority of people here are ex-Jehovah's Witnesses and most of them were a part of this religion for 20/30/40 years . . . even more. The reason they are here is because circumstances forced them to step back and objectively re-eveluate this religion. Most also wish they had done that much earlier.
My advice to you is to make that objective evaluation NOW . . . don't wait. I'm guessing there will now follow a number of suggestions as to how you can do that.
Luvonyall - MS
im new to your site so ill present myself.
its been 15 years since i escaped the borg.
i was in a unhappy marriage.
BTW, not all counsellors are cut from the same cloth. If you are not bonding with the first counsellor you see, keep looking.
With you there Jgnat . . .
Just add my experience on the counselling thing, if I may . . . I first sought counselling after not attending meetings for about 2 years (25 yrs in), but I was "a bit of a mess". I then went in for another 6 months worth, a couple of years after that. Did me a whole heap of good with the anger/resentment side . . . I had some anger.
I got good men on both occasions . . . they knew there stuff, and I got answers that I may not otherwise have got . . . even to questions I hadn't thought of. It helped me heal for sure.
But then again . . . being on this site is of great value in itself.
Hope this offers something J-LP . . . see you around I hope.
Luvonyall - MS
i am an emotional mess.. yesterday, i was so firm.
today i feel like crying.
it was a lovely, sunny day here.
Very moving story Salty . . . thanks for taking the time to post.
Luvonyall
